The protein bar diet

The protein bar diet is one I just invented.  It will make the politically-correct nutritionists at the US News & World Report scream.  It sounds like something an anorexic teen girl might like, which is good because anorexic teen girls might know a thing or two about losing weight.

The way it works is you eat 3 hearty protein bars a day, for lunch, dinner and late-night snack.  The reference protein bar is a Met-Rx bar with this nutritional profile: 350 calories, with 25% of that from fat (10g), 40% from carbs (35g), and 35% from protein (30g).  So the total calories consumed would be about 1050/day.  By eating prepackaged food, it is easy to calculate the nutrition.

This is very similar to the Zone Diet, which recommends 30% of calories from fat, 40% from carbs, and 30% from protein.

This diet encourages the consumption of sugar, so long as it fits within the macros for the day.  It discourages eating any starches (potatoes, rice, beans, bread) because those are high-carb and as long as you are eating carbs, you might as well eat sugar.

It also encourages the eating of chocolate, especially dark chocolate, on the theory that it has health benefits and suppresses appetite.

Since I am benevolent dictator of this diet, here are the rules of this diet, presented in FAQ-style:

Can I drink a protein shake instead of eating a protein bar?  No.  A protein shake isn't going to be nearly as filling.

Can I substitute a candy bar for one of the protein bars?  Yes, as long as you get enough protein.  Maybe add a 1-ounce portion of string cheese.  Try this: a 2 oz Snicker bar with 280 calories, with 14g fat, 35g carbs, 4g protein.  A 1 oz string cheese will have 80 calories, with 5g from fat, 1g carb, and 7g protein.  Total:  360 calories, with 171 from fat (48%), 144 from carbs (40%) and 44 from protein (12%).   That is a little high in fat and low in protein but otherwise it is almost perfect.

Can I eat a hamburger on this diet?  Yes, so long as it is a small one, and you don't eat the bread, and balance it with chocolate.  Try this:  a McDonald's McDouble without the bread, and half a snickers bar.  The McDouble will have 240 calories with 16g of fat, 5g of carbs, and 18g protein.  Half a snickers bar will have 140 calories with 7g fat, 18g carb, and 2g protein.  Total: 390 calories, with 207 calories from fat (53%), 92 calories from carbs (24%), and 80g from protein (21%).  That is a little high in fat, but otherwise it is almost perfect.

Can I eat breakfast?  No.  Don't eat before noon.  Oatmeal is fine, but again, no bread.

Do I have to eat a Met-Rx bar?  No, there are lots of protein bars: Nature Valley, Clif, Lara, Quest, Kind, etc.  Mix it up.

Can I eat nuts or peanut butter?  Yes, but watch the serving size.  These are loaded with calories.

Has this been clinically tested?  Hahaha no.

Can I drink alcohol?  Yes, it will curb your appetite.  But only in moderation.